You are here

I’ve Changed So Much

A Childhood Cancer Survivor Poem
© 2016 Christine Mulvihill

I used to play with Lego blocks and Barbie dolls
I used to jump rope and write all over the walls,
Now I play spin the bottle and 7 minutes in heaven
I party all night and don’t come home till eleven.

I used to never care, about what I wear
I used to sleep with a mound of teddy bears
Now I put on make up to cover up my face
Now I wear fashion, not pink frills and lace.

I used to always do good in school
I used to always think I was pretty cool,
Now I bomb tests and always slack off
My parents don’t treat this as so soft.

I used to talk about little puppies, and kitty cats
I used to gag at the sight of snakes and rats,
Now we spend our time gossiping about who’s a bitch
Who the most beautiful, and who looks like a witch.

We used to play with toys
Now we talk about the cute boys,
Every second you’re on the spot and being judged,
Every time you breathe someone’s watching.
You try to smile but it’s all an act
Don’t you feel as if you’re being attacked?
By hungry eyes that are just looking for a flaw
So they can get you with their claws.

What has happened to this carefree child
Who used to enjoy being crazy and wild,
They grew up and developed some sense
They learned to be more mature,
Or maybe it’s the other way around
Maybe they didn’t grow up, just down,
Into a world where nothing is what it seems
Our image trashed just like our dreams
I’ve changed so much, if change doesn’t hurt,
Then why do I feel so much pain?


       Who Am I       Faith, Hope, Triumph and Tragedy        Oncology       This Curse

       High School       Life is One Tough Pill to Swallow       Emotions       Other Stories and Poems


TAGS: acute lymphoblastic leukemia, Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario, CHEO soul, curse, grave, IV, crying, screaming, fighting God, Jesus, lord, cross, wood carving, pain, father, help, angel, heaven, dead, eternity, healthy, strength, fate, grave drugs, prednisone, bone marrow transplant, diagnosis, funeral, confidence, revenge Bad angry day, shattered, anger, frustration, suicide, emotion, insanity, desperate, hospital, oncology, high school, Remember, always in my heart, fear, misery, brave, courageous, Shaking, trembling, pounding, Stiff, still, inspiration faith, trust, conviction, spirituality, passion, love